The Long Way Back

This morning, I felt something I haven’t felt in a while: peace of mind. For the first time in a long time, I think I will be okay.

I hasn’t been easy for me to get to this point. I was laid off in February of 2014; between then and now, I’ve had many bouts with fear, guilt, loneliness and self-loathing. I distracted myself with things like church services, roller derby bouts and mashups, but they’d end up being temporary reprieves. It seemed like there was no way out from the darkness of not only being unemployed, but falling further and further into financial ruin with no means to stop the slide. I have a lot of cash advances to answer for…

I’ve lost count of the number of resumes I sent to various companies and jobs. In almost every case, the result was the same: no response. If I did get a response, it was a rejection. I consider myself a good worker and a reasonably intelligent person, but when that pattern repeated itself over and over again, my confidence was shattered to pieces. If I couldn’t convince a bunch of employers to hire me, what made me think that this attempt would be any different?

Before January, I also had social media to distract me from my internal battles. As you may know, I take a hiatus from social media every year. I appreciate defragmenting my mind, but there’s a price to pay for it. I’ve already proven that I can live without social media, but when it gets in your blood, it’s there to stay. I was away for so long that I started to miss certain people. Sure, online conversations can be inorganic, but in my loneliest moments, I would have given anything to exchange tweets with them.

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The day that I wrote that letter, something completely unexpected happened. The acquaintance – actually, I consider him a friend (not just because he may be reading this), and I don’t do that for many people – sent me a text message. He wanted to know if I was available for a one-day gig where I’d be helping his company move to their new offices. After asking a few questions about it, I agreed to help. That one-day gig turned into a two-day gig, then it turned into a four-day job.

While I was working on the second day, I was suddenly struck by a idea: maybe I could end the hiatus. I didn’t really ponder it until I took a bathroom break, but the conditions for my return to social media had been satisfied. Sure, I was working at a temporary job, but nonetheless, I was working.

At about 6:00 p.m. on Wednesday, April 29, I ended my longest social media hiatus with an upload to Instagram. I’m still unemployed right now, so I’m not completely out of the woods. However, the temp agency which recently took me on should be able to put an end to that situation very soon.

On top of that, I’m taking a course…

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